Heathen, thy name is Joker
by Vicious Dice
Summary: Feeling sweet and giddy over his triumph of ye' lord Batsy, something happens to the Clown Prince of Crime. He's...in Spira? Right where Tidus should be. What is going on? Like the Joker is complaining. Joker/Rikku! Because she needs some lovin'.


Ch. 1

Waiting. Giggling softly to myself, not being able to stop. He's late. Very, very late. I was expecting the little pest much sooner. Gazing down from where I proudly stood, tongue licking at my scars, hands twitching at my side. My left hand grasping my favorite knife, my good little friend, shining with blood I had yet to clean from its surface, no memory of whose it was; friend or foe. It did not matter. They were all going to die either way. Eventually. A never-ending con, of sorts.

'We all deserve death, it only matters how it is we face it. Screaming or laughing?' My crazed laughter was cut off abruptly, having heard the faint footsteps of the one I have been waiting for. Giggling and spinning from where I had rooted myself, clapping my hands in delight I took in the form of the Batman, or less commonly known, Bruce Wayne. Oh yes, I knew all along the identity of Gotham's number 1 vigilantly. It was so obvious and cliché, it was like a bad joke. Or maybe a good joke because I was the only one aware that you were supposed to laugh. I made no indication that I held that knowledge. Where would the fun be in all that? That would just ruin the punch line.

I couldn't help a little giggle to escape before I spoke. "Oh, you made it. I'm so thrilled!"

His eyes burned with the all-familiar hate I see all the time, the mindless masses and the high up schemers. They all hate and fear me. That which is free or different. Or beyond their limited scope of life, be able to understand. I am on top of the world or to put in a way; I'm just ahead of the curve.

"Where's the detonator?" He asked me in that rasping, throaty way of his. Trying to mask his voice. I almost laugh ever time he speaks. But instead I just say to my putsches. "Go get him."

Signaling them, my new pets attacked him, the first one already knocked over the side, yelping as he fell to his death. Ignoring the fight their after, I moved to get my trusted pipe I found earlier. Turing to watch my last putsch go attacking him faithfully, I rushed him swinging. Not concerned in the slightest what I hit, just having fun with it. So excited, grunting at each smack, I just loss myself. Batman, aka Bruce, pushed me off him and then proceeded to toss my little doggies over the side. 'Now that's just rude. We were having so much fun.' Pouting slightly, I got to my feet and came at him in a leap, striking him on the back hard, which resulted in him falling in a net. I was ecstatic, swinging and going wild as I struck.

"All the old familiar places." I said, straddling him. Grinning slightly I retrieved my trusty knife and swung down, intent on blood. But he just didn't want to play and he pushed me away and released himself. I took my time and watched as he moved around, seeming lost and disordered. I couldn't help the chuckle, skipping to him as he faces me; pipe a swinging, knocking Batsy through glass and onto the top of the elevator. Smirking and strutting, I followed, locking him in place with a kick.

I secured him and started conversation, to stall so we all could see lights that were to come. "We really should stop this fighting; otherwise we'll miss the fireworks." And he just had to be mister killjoy and say something hurtful. "There won't be any fireworks."

With a shake of my head, I dramatically gestured as I told him. "And…here…we…Go!"

Nothing happened. No big explosion. No pretty lights. I turned to my clock to make sure. Yep. It was twelve o'clock on the dot. Batty just had to kick me while I was down. "What were trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? You're alone."

A grimace and a pipe being thrown aside was my only response. For a time. Oh but then it came back to me. I had it. The detonator. Well, third detonator. To show everyone the pretty lights. Yes, yes. They all need to see. To truly see. "Can't rely on anyone these days. You gotta do everything yourself. Don't we?" Grasping the third one from my most stylish purple Trench coat, and continued. "That's okay. I came prepared. It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars?"

Gesturing to my face, I looked down at him smiling, he told me snidely. "No but I know how you got these." And spikes on his arm sprung from his arm and burrowed themselves in my flesh, inflicting pain as well as knocking the detonator from my grasp. Hatefully, he tossed me aside, or more literally; over the side.

I laughed, the crazed tone not escaping me as I fell. Flinging my limbs about in childlike delight. Ready to see my end, glad that it had been good old Batman that took me out. When to my utter disappointment, I was saved by Battsy's grappling gun, attaching itself to my leg; he proceeded to pull me up. I let myself go, hanging comfortably, as he tied me in place. Swaying back and forth, I told him with a smile. "Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? Huh? You won't kill me…out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you…because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever."

Breathing heavily, he told me. "You'll be in a padded cell forever."

I counter. "Maybe we could share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds."

And he responded with the usual gibberish. "This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good."

I told him with a wag of my finger. "Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fistfight with you?" Giggling as I remember how I twisted Harvey, I continued. "No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey."

His puzzled and horrified look was priceless, as was his response. "What did you do?"

I gleefully told him. "I took Gotham's white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. See, madness. As you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little… push."

I finished with a laugh, imitating a push for Brucey's benefit. Shaking myself around, Batman looked at me in shock, and I wondered at it. But then above my laughter, I heard a snap. The wire that held me up was suddenly…not. And there I went, continuing what should have happened earlier; the perfection of my death, sort of Batsy's fault. But, not before I remembered that I had another detonator, stashed away. Just in case.

I grinned as I took it out, taking in the forms of both of ferries; Harvey's most wanted and the innocent civilians. Turning the switch, I watched in wonder and delight as they both exploded. I was glad those were the last things I saw.


End file.
